Periodic Table of Metals

Today, while I was walking back to home, I realized that I had missed writing a text to this blog - this text I'm currently writing, right here - that should have been the first text after the introduction. Because I'm me and the terms I'm using are based on my opinions and views, which are of course different to each one of us, I should clear some abstract rubbish from this blog and set in stone what I mean with each term I'm using from time to time. There is no way I can avoid ambiguity with these and therefore be advised that these are highly based on what I think about the sub-genres of metal. And, thus, you have my permission to disagree and be wrong. (Kidding, come on... You should know that by now.)

First of all, as en example, let's consider something seemingly straight-forward: thrash metal. I doubt that anyone reading this text isn't familiar with this term, yet - and this amazes me every single time - there's as many different views on what exactly is thrash metal and what isn't as there are listeners. Without a shadow of a doubt I can say, 100% confident about myself, that thrash metal is a HUGE part of history and development of heavy metal, and its importance cannot - or at least it's nearly impossible - be overstated. Thus, there are thousands of bands, all more or less different (this is arguable, as we've all seen, no doubt) from each other, but somehow they're all filed under moniker of thrash metal - whether that is some sub-sub-genre ("technical thrash metal" etc.) or a fusion ("death-thrash" etc.) or just good old thrash metal. The variety is impressive, to say the least: think of bands as different as Sepultura (around the time of Beneath the Remains and Arise, their "golden age", as many fans consider it), Slayer, Metallica and Megadeth while they still gave a shit, Annihilator (I'm thinking of Alice in Hell -era), Stone (less-well-know early Finnish thrash metal band)... I'm trying not to dwell on this - since I'm planning a whole text about this subject, later in this blog - but to my mind all the above represent thrash metal in the late '80's and early '90's, yet the difference between Alice in Hell and Beneath the Remains (Why these two in particular? They were released the same year, 1989.) is on a scale which can only be called mindfuck.

This is why I must do this, even though it's against the principle of this blog - so, there we are, critics and cynics rejoice: third text in and I'm already selling-out. What follows is a boring-ass list of what I consider to be the essentials of each main sub-genre. I'm going to differentiate first wave black metal from "trve" black metal of the '90's and there after. Also, after the list there is some kind of timeline, but a very crude one at that, not graphical at all. I must also mention that being filed in this my Periodic Table of Metals does not exclude mentions in other contexts - for example, Sepultura will be in both thrash and death -section. If some of my choices seem weird or questionable, it most likely means A) there's going to be a text about it some time in the far future of this blog or B) you're wrong and ignorant and, to quote undying parody of Yngwie Malmsteen's guitar porno, I'm your new God. Again, this might seem unnecessary to some readers, but I just want to be all too clear about the terms - I study arts, history to be more accurate, and all this hermeneutic-bullshit is hard-wired to my brain.

PROTO METAL
Black Sabbath
Led Zeppelin
Deep Purple
Alice Cooper
tons of hippieshit and prognonsense with influence on the birth and evolution of metal, like Iron Butterfly, Cream, King Crimson and even The Beatles (Helter Skelter, anyone?)

EARLY METAL
Black Sabbath (occasionally)
Led Zeppelin (occasionally)
Deep Purple (occasionally)
Judas Priest

NWOBHM
Motörhead
Iron Maiden
Judas Priest (I know, I know, but think of the difference between Sad Wings of Destiny and British Steel or - god-forbid - Point of Entry)
Saxon
bunch of other bands that have been forgotten or who sold-out (I'm looking at you, Def Leppard).

CLASSIC HEAVY METAL
Dio
Iron Maiden
Twisted Sister
Quiet Riot
Judas Priest (again)
King Diamond
Accept

GLAM METAL
Mötley Crüe
Hanoi Rocks
Quiet Riot
Poison
Cinderella

SPEED METAL
Motörhead
Venom
Metallica (Kill 'em All -era)
Helloween (while Kai Hansen was singing)
Anthrax
Rage (early records)
Blind Guardian (the first three records)
King Diamond

THRASH METAL
Metallica (at the hight of their quality, not popularity)
Megadeth
Slayer
Sepultura
Sodom
Kreator
Destruction
Testament
Machine Head
Pantera

FIRST WAVE OF BLACK METAL
Venom
Mercyful Fate
Possessed
Slayer
Bathory

POWER METAL
Rainbow (with Dio on vocals)
Dio
Helloween (Keeper's -era and with Deris)
Gamma Ray
Primal Fear
Iced Earth
Rage (later records)
Nightwish
Blind Guardian
Stratovarius
Dragonforce (in all of their video game -glory)

DEATH METAL
Death
Cannibal Corpse
Deicide
Six Feet Under
Sepultura
Kreator (early records)
Insomnium
In Flames (at the early stages, and even then they were the most melodic death metal around; also all the main Gothenburg-bands)
Gorefest

PROG METAL
Dream Theater
Fates Warning
Meshuggah
Edge of Sanity (think about: there's few things more prog than a song clocking 40 minutes)

BLACK METAL
Mayhem
Burzum
Immortal
Emperor
Dimmu Borgir (whether you like it or not)
Satyricon
Dissection
Anaal Nathrakh

GRINDCORE
Napalm Death
Brutal Death
(other ways of dying, as well, haha)
Nasum

NU METAL
Korn
Defstones
Sepultura (around Roots)
Soulfly
Slipknot
Machine Head (it happened, even if you'd like to forget it)
Limp Bizkit
Linkin Park

GROOVE METAL
Pantera
Lamb Of God
Meshuggah (in a very particular way)
and a million copycats who play binary metal

INDUSTRIAL METAL
Rammstein
Turmion Kätilöt (yeah, not the biggest, but this is my list)

SYMPHONIC METAL
Nightwish
Epica
After Forever
Within Temptation
Turisas and other not-as-well-known male-fronted bands

FOLK METAL
Ensiferum
Bathory (the good stuff)
Moonsorrow
Turisas
Finntroll

METALCORE
As I Lay Dying
Killswitch Engage
all those worthless wannabe's who make music for those posers, who want to seem hardcore and metal, but don't actually want to listen to metal (Attack Attack is on my mind in this comment)

PERIODS:
'70's: The Founding Fathers
'80's: The Antiquity
'90's: Dispersion/"The Dark Ages".
'00's: The Renaissance
'10's: Period Still Under Construction, Please Wait

I hope this clears something out of the way. If it doesn't, fine, defeat accepted. The periods there are all (with the exception of '10's) going to be subjects of their own texts, so don't read too much into that, not yet. If you want to ask about some these choices I put up there, there's a comment option in this blog and I'd be glad to answer your hatemail, bullshit, valuable opinions. (It's a joke, so wipe that frown off yer face! I love - in a extremely platonic and often distant manner - you, all of you. Except you-know-who-you-are, if you're reading this; to you, fuck off.

Again I'm failing to be funny or smart and I'm resorting to profanities. It's time to put a stop to this, for now...